I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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