i love accidental penises.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
