is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Me too!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
