Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
