Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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