Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
that may or may not have been my penis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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