Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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