At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
