Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
