All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
