So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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