i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
