Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
