I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
