70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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