if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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