I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
