we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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