considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
