Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
