We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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