end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
