I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
