did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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