Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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