just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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