I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
