I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
