doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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