my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
