South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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