i just had sex bonerless
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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