My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
