hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
