i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
