she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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