FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
