Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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