Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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