I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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