So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
