brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
