My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
