Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
