i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
