I didn't shave. On purpose
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
