so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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