my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you inspire me to be a worse person
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
