I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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