I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
