since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
