just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
