Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is the high leading the old right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize