At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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