Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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