I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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