And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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