it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sober January is a disaster.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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