Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
