I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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