You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
