my mouth tastes like poor choices
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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