fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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