i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
