u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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