Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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