possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
