someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
