apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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