Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
