i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
