sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
