remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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