I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
