just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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